Ticking Clocks

A usual day in town, one will usually encounter the Mat and Minahs of Singapore, henceforth referred to as ‘M&M’. Usually found aimlessly walking the streets, clad in their tapered pants and truckers cap, M&M’s congregrate in a number of places, namely Orchard Road, Esplanade and many places where entry is free.

M&Ms are a highly social group, one rung higher in hierarchy than their Bangladeshi cousins who are more content to congregrate in little India. Their social nature allows them to come up to a potential mate and spew a number of rehearsed openers, namely, ‘Hello, leh berkenalan?’

These groups usually have a high number of male Mats compared to female Minahs. These groups usually have high unemployment rates due to their lack of working attitude and low education. Always short on cash, they resort to selling illegal cigarettes or working as pizza delivery boys on a motorcycle paid in instalments.

To end my observation on M&Ms lives, let me relate their highly predictable lives:

age -9 months: 15 year old Mom’s first sexual encounter in cheap Geylang hotel

age -3 months: 16 year old Father goes to jail when pregnancy test  positive

age from 1 to 10 : All signs of ADD goes unnoticed

age 12: Learn their first expletive, usually ‘butoh’

age 14: Dreamed of being a Mat Rempit, smoked first cigarette

age 16: Wears first tapered pants and truckers cap. Fails N’levels. Go ITE

age 20: Gets first ‘kapcai’ motorcycle

age 20+1 day: First motorcycle accident

age 20+3 months: Motorcycle gets pulled back by company due to non payment.

age 21: Becomes father

age21+3 months: Shotgun marriage.

age 30: Buys first 3 rm HDB. Gets first red plate car.

age 63: CPF money comes in. Renovates house.

age 65: CPF money finishes. Sells otak otak near MRT.

Notes:

Life details may vary from case to case. At 21 +1 day, a high number of M&Ms usually die.

Disclaimer:

The author is merely an observor of M&Ms. He does in no way participate in their activities and maintains neutrality in his detailed observations.

Lately, i received e-mails and messages like this,

Berita ini mengenai kartunis yg lukis karikatur Rasulullah kita yg tercinta.. Tlg sebar2kan kpd sumer yg beragama Islam mahupun bkan.. The artist who drew the pictures of the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) has died in afire. He was burned alive. Denmark government is hiding the news from the public and everyone has to know.. Pls spread this…. (Its the price one must pay 4 the insult of Allah’s Prophet) Forward this to as many people as you can…Are you going to forward this or delete it? Just remember Allah is watching you if you love Allah then send this to every one on your list because you have opened this…

There is not a single shred of evidence in this message. No facts, not a single piece of proof that this truly happened. Wake up and smell the coffee… Without proof, its not a story. Its a path to a lawsuit. Stop sending crap like this unless you can at the very least provide something to back it up.